ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
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