She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
