The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
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