k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
