You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
