I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
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