Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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