do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
