no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Randomize
