i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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