some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
