wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
