glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Randomize