FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
