No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Randomize
