I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Randomize
