Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
i need an iv and a liver transplant
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
