You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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