On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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