um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
