I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
