its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize