my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
