I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
