im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Randomize
