It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
