shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
