I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
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