"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize