My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
