I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Randomize
