He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Who wears a wallet chain?!
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Randomize