they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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