she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Randomize
