but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
