if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
sex in a hospital.. check
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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