Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I touched a dick in church today
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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