While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
