If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
