love makes seman taste better
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
