Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
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