I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Randomize
