so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I fill condoms, not promises.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
