Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
