My nipple is on Facebook.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
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