also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize