eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
