smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
