God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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