Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
