He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
