She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
