:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Even my vagina gasped.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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