I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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