They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
