I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
