If that was your dad, he is hot
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
