Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
