I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Randomize
