Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
