whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
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