brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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