can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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