people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
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