I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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