I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
