i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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