What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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