how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
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