Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
