okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I have tasted many bathrooms
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
