you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
