can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
