Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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