on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Verdict: uncircumcised.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
