Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
