Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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