i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
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