do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
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