Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize
