Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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