when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
