Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Randomize
