his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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