Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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