I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
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