youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Randomize
