i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
