i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
