Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize