I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
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