Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Randomize
