CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
