Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
