Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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