Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
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