i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Randomize