end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
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