the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
