Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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