I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I'm way too hungover for life right now
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
