do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Randomize
