I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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