question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Hippo gnu deer
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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