girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
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