You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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