Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
