i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
