who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
this boner is exhausting
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Randomize