she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
