i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
