I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
