We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
