cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Randomize
