I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
